Some Thoughts on Online Posts

Our Words Online:   Some Thoughts for People Who Work In Positions of Public Trust 

The options and capacities available in the world of online social networking and communication are increasing at a speed that leaves a lot of us with heads spinning. We share photos across the country in real time. We chat face to face with people halfway around the world. Much of what goes on in the internet world seems quickly relegated to the oblivion offered by the sheer volume of bites layering upon bites. That is, until someone either happens upon something you’ve posted, or intentionally goes looking for you, either out of curiosity, in appreciation of your work, or because they hope that they might be able to discredit or undermine you.

When this happens, just about everything you have written is right there for better or for worse. People can look at it, pour over it, distribute it, take it out of context, make attributions about you and your words, think well or poorly of you and of anyone or anything associated with you.  

In this way, a momentary annoyance, or a tongue-in-cheek comment expressed online can become a banner that grows in significance and meaning. It can become an overwhelming, even “viral”, and very permanent representation of you, of the voice of the agency, profession, or other associated group to which you belong.  This speaks to the issue that if social networking occurs “off the clock” in a person’s personal time, whose business is it if they post, for example: 

·        A complaint, frustration, or exasperation about what an un-named client has done?

·        A desire to be retired , on vacation, or doing something else?

·        Positive or neutral comments about an un-named client?

·        A re-count of an interesting or challenging “case” at work? 

These are not necessarily unauthorized disclosures of protected health information, though they easily might be. These particular types of statements are more subtly destructive of the trust the community places in us, the trust that allows people to take a risk in disclosing themselves to us, and the confidence they place in us that ultimately allows us do our work effectively. These types of statements raise questions about our fundamental values, professionalism, objectivity, respect, interest and commitment to our work and to the people we serve. They also raise questions about our basic ability to keep our mouths shut when needed.  

These posts may seem innocent to the writer or amusing to their friends, but they are, in fact, profound and far-reaching violations of the trust that our clients and our communities place in our agency and in mental health practitioners in general.

 

When the Unthinkable Happens: The Search for a Scapegoat

When The Unthinkable Happens

“The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.”
― Dwight D. Eisenhower

In the course of things, there are instances when communities find themselves faced with horrors of loss or cruelty that we can’t understand, even after all the investigations, criminal, civil, and treatment options have run their course.  These become the circumstances burned into our collective hearts by which we measure and judge our ultimate vulnerability as well as our resilience as individuals and as a community.  

Being faced with a situation that can’t be comprehended can send individuals as well as groups of people into a frenzied search to identify and highlight the differences between the “evil” of “the other guilty person” and the “moral high ground” of our own familiar lives and values.   

Scapegoating in various forms is a widely practiced solution that effectively restores a sense of contentment and predictability to the world when it seems overwhelmed by evil.  Unfortunately it stifles productive self reflection and does nothing to heal the grief and anguish both individuals and the community rightfully feel when innocence is horribly lost.  

Reading down through the comments that follow articles about these sorts of incidents, it is easy to interpret parts of the string as a focused attempt to find someone to blame, to gloss over and trivialize their struggles, their dreams and challenges, to dehumanize and marginalize them.  It leaves them to suffer judgments they can’t even fathom, ultimately making sure someone pays for these sins regardless of the degree to which they might be accountable.  

With fictional user names, the comment section easily becomes the modern equivalent of a masked mob, gathering in the night with torches and pitchforks, looking to dehumanize and punish anyone upon whom they can focus the sins of the day, anyone.  

To blame without fully understanding a circumstance is unsophisticated, unkind, unhelpful, and unnecessary.  Human behavior is complicated and multiply determined.  Simple pronouncements of either blame or blamelessness always do a disservice to the truth.  

We empower our courts and our governmental agencies to sort through the complexities of these situations and to do their best to come to a resolution that preserves the order and values of our culture.  They do this for us, as our representatives.    For the rest of us, let’s try sitting with not knowing, with grief and anguish for the layers of loss suffered by our neighbors. 

 

Try compassion and personal incomprehension.  Resist drifting into the comfort of enraged blame.  Encourage the people around you to do the same.  It doesn’t offer the same comfort as being able to “close the book” on the situation, but it will leave you a beacon of fairness, truth, and justice in a world already too full of dehumanizing hatred. 

A Child Goes Missing: Helping the Community's Other Children Cope

Our communities face difficult challenges every day but occasionally encounter situations that shake the very foundation of our sense of predictability and safety in the world.  These experiences can leave us needing to manage feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, and helplessness. Right now, our community is in the midst of coping with the unexplained, extended disappearance of a tiny, vulnerable child, a situation that strikes an anguished chord and generates powerful feelings for anyone who hears about it.  It is a “worst fear” scenario and one so rare that it can be difficult for parents and professionals to find a good “roadmap” for coping with it.  

Children do go missing, though and there are national organizations that provide expert resources for communities, schools, professionals, and parents who need to help children cope with the unthinkable.  

The most specific resources located in developing this resource are on the websites of these three national organizations.  If you are interested in more information, these links will provide you with a lot of useful ideas and approaches including recommendations for parents and other involved adults.   

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=200

Take 25: http://www.take25.org/page.asp?page=89

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network:  http://www.nctsn.org/content/psychological-first-aid  

The resources provided by these sites offer a great deal of common agreement on what is important and what works.  Some of these ideas are bulleted here for your convenience.  They are a place to start in helping the children in your care avoid traumatic outcomes.

• Frightened children are not safer children.    Parents who manage their own feelings, stay calm and reassuring and talk to their children in terms they can understand  have the best chance of effectively teaching their children mastery of the concepts and skills that will protect them.    
• Children quickly pick up adult distress.  They are easily upset by the drama of media events and attention. 
• Media events, drama, and coverage can produce increased fears and anxiety in children.
• The more time children spend participating in or watching media coverage or adult discussion of the events, the more likely they are to have negative reactions.
• Graphic images and stories of loss may be particularly upsetting to children.
• Paying attention to your child’s feelings and understanding is the best way to determine what is working for them and what is not helping. 
• Creating opportunities to talk with your child about what they are seeing and hearing and how they understand it will give you valuable insights into how they are thinking about the situation and whether they are feeling safe and protected
• Children are often included in or otherwise exposed to well meaning community events such as prayer vigils or shrines of hope.  Older children, in particular, may want to participate, to express their prayers or good will.  Parents and schools should be vigilant, though, to make sure that the experience remains voluntary and positive for the child regardless of their age.  Children should not be forced to participate in adult venues in ways that dramatize or reinforce anguished over-identification, frighten them or make them uncomfortable. 
• While there is no right or wrong approach to these situations, a parent or school’s sensitive monitoring of a child’s understanding and emotional state is the best way to tell whether their approach is on track or not for any particular child. 

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The National Child Traumatic Stress Treatment Network offers some practical suggestions, paraphrased, and excerpted in part below, for parents if their children begin showing signs of emotional trauma. 

Helping Young Children Heal

Young children, toddlers, and preschoolers, even babies, know when bad things happen. After a traumatic event, we often see changes in their behavior. They may cry more, become clingy and not want us to leave, have temper tantrums, hit others, have problems sleeping, or become afraid of things that didn’t bother them before.  Changes like these are a sign that they need help. Here are some ways you can help them.

·         First focus on your child’s sense of safety. Your young child feels safe when you hold him or let him stay close to you.  Older children feel safe when they see their parents confident and reassuring in their ability to protect them.

·         Tell her you will take care of her when things are scary or difficult. With children who are learning to talk, use simple words, like saying ”Mommy’s here.”

·         Keep him away from frightening TV images and scary conversations.

·         Do familiar things, like singing a song you both like or telling a story.

·         Have a predictable routine, at least for bedtime: a story, a prayer, cuddle time.

·         Allow expression of feelings
·         Young children often “behave badly” when they are worried or scared. Children can “act out” as a way of asking for help. Remember, Difficult feelings = Difficult behavior.

·         Help your child name how she feels:”scared,” “happy” “angry,” “sad.”  Tell her it is OK to feel that way.

·         Talk about the things that are going well to help you and your child feel good.

·         Follow your child’s lead.  Different children need different things. Some children need to run around, some want to talk,others need to play or be held.

·         Listen to your child and watch his behavior to figure out what he needs.

·         Enable your child to tell the story of what she believes happened

·         Reconnect with supportive people, community, culture and rituals

·         Simple things like a familiar bedtime story, a song, a prayer, or family traditions remind you and your child of your way of life and offer hope.

If your child continues to be upset or distressed, you may want to consider talking with their Pediatrician or contacting a counselor or therapist.  Finding a way to help your child cope successfully with painful situations is well worth the time and attention it requires. 

Think About Taking A Walk

Usually when mental health people recommend “walking,” they are encouraging it as a way to feel less depressed, cut down on stress, or get into better shape.  There is no doubt that walking helps accomplish all of these things. 

We speak less often though of other, deeply important benefits to going for a walk, or otherwise spending time outside, particularly in a place you love and that resonates with your heart and  soul. 

Just taking a few minutes to look up some of the different  things writers have ascribed to the outdoors and to nature, here are just a few examples of words they use:

Do you have a place that grounds you?  Is there somewhere you can go where you know you can reconnect with yourself, that brings you back to the basics of your life, what is important, and what is not?  Is there a word or words in this list that resonate with your experience of this place? 

It is common for people to think of places where they loved to spend time as children.  A lot of us go somewhere outdoors in our thinking when asked this question.  There is a path or a garden, a woods road or a lake, a spring overhung by lilacs or a field of Christmas trees.

Living more and more within the protection and order of towns, and the walls that make them up, it takes effort to find a place to wander.  At the same time the wildness we find in un-manicured, unspoiled places is an opportunity to explore what is around us, let go of day to day concerns and leave feeling renewed, refreshed, and reconnected.  We begin to sense the flow and pace of weather variation and the  harmony of the seasons.  Our sense of what we can and can’t control is altered as is our understanding of our place in the larger world. 

There are pleasures in solitary walks, and in walks with other people.  There is nothing to compare, though, with the immeasurable two-way gift of sharing the stories, history, magic, or grounding you find in a place with a beloved child.  These are gifts that carry across miles and generations and will sustain both of you throughout your lives. 

Behavioral Health At The Confluence

Kennebec Behavioral Health's recently sponsored conference, Behavioral Health at the Confluence: Inspired Hearts, Solid Science, and Organizational Excellence accomplished a number of functions. It was conceived as a celebration of the agency's 50th anniversary as well as a provocative challenge to the future of community mental health.

Behavioral Health in Maine and across the nation is faced with increasing demands to provide transparency, demonstrable effectiveness, and services that are predictably life enhancing. Meeting that demand will involve the evolution of a dynamic alignment between practitioners, the best, most effective clinical practices, and value based organizational and operational expertise. Each one of these three foundations is necessary, but none sufficient without the other two.

In order to be successful, these three competing rivers of thought have to be reconciled in a way that is mutually supportive rather than competing. It is a paradox, an impossible puzzle that must be transformed to an attainable possibility.

It is not easy to convey the methodology necessary to solve a paradox. The language of analogy is one tool. The ability to tolerate the internal conflict that comes from holding the value and importance of all three irreconcilable positions is another.

The way of the world is to try to force a choice between competing values with messages like:
"Relationship is enough."
"Science has the answers."
"Its about the cash."
"You have to give up your humanity to apply scientific principles."
"Your science is too expensive, you will have to make due with something cheaper."
"You need to make productivity, then we'll talk about the quality of your work."
"You can pursue one river, or maybe two, but you have to give up on the third."

A better answer is one of unyielding creative resistance to compromise on any of these three values with affirmations like:
"I will work diligently to nourish my own heart and to nourish others."
"I will work diligently to find and apply the best science possible."
"I will work diligently to support my organization and its infrastructure."
"I will not relent on remaining mindful of and promoting any one of these values."
"I will face every effort to force a choice with creative problem-solving. I will keep all three values in front of me, each equally honored."
"I will look to support my colleagues and to be supported by them. "
"I will believe the best of others and trust they will believe the best of me."
"I will strive not let them fail, and they will hold me when I falter. "
"Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass."

The intended take-aways from the conference are:

• A working understanding of three rivers of thought flowing inexorably toward confluence, into the future, beyond our current state of knowledge, beyond our current technologies, beyond any of us as individuals
  
• Our commitment to move toward that end with clarity, focus and courage.
  

Role Models - Oh Yes! Oh No!

Role models are a part of life. When we lack experience or skill or hope, and can’t see a way to get from where we are to where we’d like to be, we naturally look to other people to see if someone else has done something comparable before us. Similarly, if we see someone doing something, or being someone that we admire, we look to understand what brought them to that ability and what sustains them in it. This manner of seeking to grow is critical both to individuals and to our civilization. Without it, we would be stuck forever within the confines of our singular experience.

There can be a complication, and even a downside, though to our identification of a “Role Model.” This becomes particularly worrisome when one of our children identifies a role model, looks up to them, strives to be like them, then watches them falter. There are sports stars caught cheating or betraying a trust, beloved older cousins “getting into trouble,” a brilliant and charismatic professor seducing a student, and on and on. There is in fact, no end to the ways in which we can disappoint one another.

Interestingly enough on a different side of the same coin, if we look, there are ways in which people we might not see as extraordinary can surprise us with their talent, patience, vision, commitment, or some other aspect of their being. They might not meet our definition of a “role model” but isn’t that really what they could be in that aspect.

Navigating through life and getting the most out of “role models” without either failing to see them, crashing and burning with them, or dismissing them as completely unworthy requires us to see human behavior as complex, multiply determined and sometimes contradictory.

The reality is that no human being is purely good or bad, and the more we can process our and our children’s contradictory perceptions and begin to articulate what about a person is admirable and what is disappointing the closer we come to learning self acceptance, the appreciation of differences, and compassion for human error, both our own and others. We might even see a strategy we can use to avoid mistakes ourselves.

An Eye To The Light

An Eye To The Light

The list can grow every day. We see economic downturn, job loss, overwhelming responsibility, deployment, money worries, relationship problems and on and on. Times can be difficult for a lot of reasons. They range from global economic and environmental factors, through local challenges in our work and communities, to problems touching the groundwork of our close relationships with friends, neighbors, and family members. In the complexity and diversity of this network, it seems that when things get difficult, they rarely happen in isolation. Problems don’t come one at a time.

Difficult times can present us with terrifying images of change, loss, failure, illness, death, or betrayal – a seemingly endless flow of things that threaten to separate us from the light of the vision of what we want our lives to be. Watching the work of your heart coming apart or having to participate in its undoing can blind us to anything but the frantic need to do whatever it takes to preserve what we have. Paradoxically, that strategy, with its failure of vision can easily become one more tool in the destruction of the things we hold most dear.

So, what are our options? We rehearse through them in our minds and they run the gamut. They include images of unmitigated failure and loss, ruthless protectionism, and anything else we happen to come up with in our fear. It can become very dark. We lose touch with the fact that this is the natural flow of things.

We cannot stop the cycle of creation, maturation, and destruction, but can remind ourselves that re-creation and renewal are also implied. This flow of life is inexorable. We cannot interrupt it, but we empower ourselves when we maintain a focus on living consistent with the values that are important to us rather than violating them in a desperate effort to preserve their current form. When we look to our values as a beacon in the darkness, we find acceptance in our commitment to a purpose and are ready to move forward creatively even in those dark hours before the cycle turns upward again.

Getting To Know Your Children This Summer

Summer is the time that many of us remember why we love living in Maine. The weather is beautiful and there are all kinds of interesting things to do regardless of your interests. Its also the time that children are at home and don't have the time pressures and responsibilities that they carry during the school year.This gives us all a great opportunity to spend time with the children in our lives, to gain understanding of who they are, what they like to do, how they think about things, what their hopes and dreams are, what's fun for them and so forth.

A good, active relationship with a loving, respectful adult is the best protection that a child can carry as they move toward greater independence. Secure and open relationships with a loving adult lower the chances of a child getting involved in smoking, substance abuse, and other high risk behaviors. These relationships can provide a buffer against feelings of depression and hopelessness. They increase children's self-esteem and their sense of competence in the world. It does, however take time, some planning, a bit of negotiation, and a lot of mindfulness to make sure that your relationship is working for the child.

Some suggestions that might be helpful are:

Spend time with your child doing something that he or she enjoys. While you do this, make all of your comments positive. Be curious about what they are doing and show your appreciation. Examples might be, "That's really interesting. Tell me about it," or "that's great, what a lot of work you've put into this," or just "wow, that's wonderful."Your goals in this are first, to have fun with your child, but secondly to help your child see you as someone who appreciates them and is fun to be around.

Do things side by side with your child. The research is pretty clear that children are most likely to talk to you about things that are important to them when you are both facing in the same direction, not directly at one another and when there is something else to focus on rather than simply "having a talk." Things like doing dishes together, preparing a meal, riding in the car, and doing chores together offer opportunities to really get to know your child and for them to get to know you, too. Remember to keep it positive, be curious rather than critical, and show appreciation for who they are and what they are trying to become.

These kinds of informal and positive chats set the stage to be able to have more difficult conversations when they are necessary. Your child knows that you love and respect them. They will understand that what you are trying to talk with them about is not just "more nagging."

There is a myth that its quality not quantity. In reality, both are important and summer provides a great opportunity for strengthening these connections.

The Power of Being Seen

Every now and then, something catches our attention, captivates us, and carries us into to a different emotional understanding or experience. It seems that has happened with Susan Boyle, the 47 year old Scottish woman whose performance on Britain’s Got Talent shocked the judges, the audience, and ultimately the world. She was an unknown and unassuming appearing woman who sang with power and feeling that no one expected.

What is it that made this woman’s performance so touching to so many people? One factor is certainly the power of witnessing a person who appeared to be marginalized finally “being seen” and being valued. There is probably no loneliness in the world like that of being “looked through” ignored or misperceived. Believing or hoping that you have a gift that no one seems to want, or a beauty that no one else can see is profoundly sad. Having your worth and your talent acknowledged after decades of invisibility and derision is literally a dream come true, and one that strikes a chord in almost anyone.

Once it’s understood, there are practical, everyday applications of this insight that you can bring into your relationships with family and friends. Have you ever sung this little song to a toddler?


Where is [toddler’s name]?
Where is [toddler’s name]?
Here he/she is
Here he/she is
I’m so glad to see you!
I’m so glad to see you!
Peek-a-boo
I see you

Little ones love this song. They love that it is about them, and they particularly love the experience of being discovered, seen, and valued.

Older children, teenagers and adults aren’t that much different. You can make someone’s day by taking the time and effort to really look at them, to perceive or understand some unique quality, talent or capability that they possess and then to acknowledge it out loud.

Not many people get discovered and acknowledged on a world-wise basis, but all of us carry the power to give other people in our lives the gift of clearly seeing them. We can touch other people’s hearts and our own every day.

An Agency "Family Story:" The Titcomb House Transformation

If you were intrigued by my last blog on the importance and richness of family stories, you might want to think about trying your hand at digital storytelling. Most computers come with basic movie making software. It is not hard to use, and even first time projects are a lot of fun.

You'll soon see that digital story telling takes the experience to a whole different level. You can add photos, narration, subtitles, music*, and video. I like movies because they speak both from and to the heart. For example, here you see a couple of pages of construction photos out of a photo album. They are a part of the agency's history, but truly not very compelling. For anyone to understand or appreciate what happened 17 years ago, somehow we have to tell the story. There are all sorts of media possibilities, but for this story Digital Story Telling is the choice.

* Remember that you should only use material that is not protected by copyright or for which you have permission. It is fun to make your own music or to look online for affordable or free stock music. You can even ask for permission which is what we did for this movie.

If you click on the movie below, you will see a short, 3 minute story that expresses the generosity, collaboration, sacrifice, and determination that came together to make this transformation possible. It uses the photos from the album above, but tells a much better story.

Family Stories

Have you ever thought about the power of your family stories? Can you remember how they shaped your thoughts and feelings about yourself as a child? Every family has its stories. They end up becoming a big part of how we understand ourselves in the world. We use them to make sense out of confusion and to ground ourselves in our values and in our love and trust for one another. Stories help us grasp how our experiences fit into our world. They can convey and keep us mindful of many qualities such as love, heroism, sacrifice, humility, or safety. They provide a context and grounding for family values and strengths. They let people know that we see and value them.

Assembling and telling a story is a great way to help a child, or anyone else for that matter, understand, remember, and place in context his or her heritage and experiences.

Fortunately for us, telling a meaningful story is not difficult. Here are a few practical ideas:
*Keep it simple! One idea or concept is enough for a story
*Think short. If you try to write a novel, you might not write anything
*It doesn’t have to be dramatic
*It doesn’t even have to be written
*It can be a series of pictures with captions, or a paragraph here and there
*A funny song, or poem written for the child about a particular event is something they can keep with pride
*Take turns on the drive home making the day’s activity into a story. Have fun with it
*Alternatively, use times in the car or in other situations where things are quiet to tell a story about one of your parents, grandparents or friends
*A scrap book page done for a child after a fun day at the beach keeps the memory alive
*A series of simple drawings and a few captions on a page after a hard day can reflect a return to comfort and a good ending for a child
*A story with pictures, hand drawn, cut out, or photographs, about a happy experience with a loved one who is gone keeps good memories in the forefront
*A page with a picture of a grandparent and a short story about their love, helpfulness, strength, courage, skill, or sacrifice is wonderfully grounding
*A cook book page with the recipe for one of the child’s favorite foods and pictures of the child helping or of the finished product makes helping fun
* A short, 3 minute “Movie Maker” movie that includes a favorite song, pictures of a fun activity, and some captions or narration is a great option. This simple movie making software comes in the operating system package on many computers
* Your story can be messy
*It can be imperfect

If your story conveys your love, caring, acknowledgment or respect, the recipient of any age will appreciate and value it as well as carrying into their future its message of grounding and certainty of place in the world
.

Have You Thought About Everyday Heroes?

When we think about heroism, we almost always think of some courageous person saving others through dramatic, physically dangerous acts. Heroes are celebrated with parades and medals, speeches and awards. They are someone other than us.
It is very true that these celebrated individuals are heroes and deserving of our recognition, admiration, and respect. It is also true that limiting our definition in this way narrows our ability to see and appreciate other heroic people. Worse yet it can cloud our vision for the fact that heroism can be a part of everyone’s life and that it is our option, even our responsibility to become “hero ready.” By that I mean ready to take a stand, to affirm another person’s value and dignity, or to uphold a value even if it means paying a cost. The world needs everyday heroes to stand in opposition to cruelty and dehumanization, to question the legitimacy of and sometimes to defy mistaken or wrong thinking authority, to work toward life affirming goals, and to think about and take responsibility for the outcome of their actions.
Charles A. Smith, Ph.D. from Kansas State University developed a program designed to celebrate everyday heroes. The program teaches children the characteristics of heroism and helps them recognize the potential for heroism within themselves.
Smith lists five conditions for heroism. They are:
Real heroes realize the risk or sacrifice they are taking.
They value all life without reservation
They manage fear
They make smart decisions
They commit themselves fully to a noble goal.
The program encourages participants to look around, identify, label, and celebrate the everyday heroes in their lives. They are then asked to apply the same standards to themselves identifying their own heroic behavior. What they find out is that heroic behavior often begins by just not running away in fear or pain.
Most people do not intentionally put themselves in situations where they are called upon to be heroic. Nevertheless, it is not uncommon in the course of a lifetime for a person to be faced with a situation that calls for heroism. These opportunities come and go without fanfare or warning and the choices made are both powerful and irrevocable.

Things Change - It's Our Job to Go On

When we stop and think about it, we know that life means constant change. It happens all of the time and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. People we know and love grow old and frail. At some point they come to the end of their lives. Our children grow up and make more and more independent decisions about how they will live their lives. Change happens in our jobs, with our friends, in our communities. It happens everywhere.

There are changes that give us joy. Welcoming new babies, getting settled in a good job, and finding a secure relationship are all things that might leave us feeling happy. When change brings loss, though, we can end up suffering, even arguing with ourselves or others that the situation couldn't or shouldn't be what it is. More often than not, we turn our entire focus to trying to make the pain go away.

Our whole culture admires a person who can "take control." The unfortunate thing is that in many cases, this just doesn't work. Then, to compound our sense of failure and our pain we are left with blaming ourselves or someone else for things not going well. It becomes a spiral of pain and unhappiness that is hard to leave behind.

There are a few simple things you can try that might help.

• Ask yourself if you have this problem, or if it has you. Can you separate it from the rest of your experience?
• Remind yourself that change, including loss, is a normal part of life and is most manageable when it is accepted
• Practice seeing the problem as being only one part of your life
• Think about what other things are important to you, what you want your focus and purpose to be
• Commit to taking at least one step, however small, that will bring you closer to your purpose

There are times in all of our lives where we feel overwhelmed by change and loss. What we always have, though, somewhere inside of us are our hopes and aspirations for our lives. There is no better time to remind ourselves of what we want to be and to make sure we're moving, however slowly, in that direction.

What If Your Holidays Aren't What You Want?

So often people end up feeling that the Holidays are not what they wish they were. We wish for the return of past traditions, for better relationships with family and friends, or that we could somehow spend the holiday differently. It is easy to look at all of the idealized images in stores, books, magazines, and on television and to think our lives should be more like what we see there.

We all know that we can't go back, that we only control our side of relationships, and that we can't be everywhere at once. We also know that the media view of the holidays just isn't real. No one's house really looks like that, and certainly no one's friends and family ever really behave that way. Nevertheless, we can end up feeling let down or disappointed.

One of the best ways that any of us can get out of this rut is to start practicing Mindfulness, which means staying focused on what we are experiencing in the moment rather than what might be or what should be. Anyone can take a few moments out of their day to try some of these things. You don't have to be particularly wise, lucky, happy, or anything else. All you have to do is stop and try.

Here are some examples:

You're trying to get your decorations up and know you don't have time to get it the way you want it. You are starting to feel cranky and you snap at one of the kids. Then you feel bad because, after all, it is the Holidays.

• What about stopping, taking a deep breath, and saying to yourself, "If it's not worth enjoying, it's probably not worth doing. This should be fun." Then ask the children what decorations they like the most and would like to help you with. Answer the question for yourself as well. Then while you're working with your children on everyone's favorites, think about the fun you all are having in the moment and know that in reality, this is what's most important.

You've realized that you are not going to be able to spend the holiday where you would most like to be. You decide you hate the season and wish it were over.

• You can remind yourself that no matter what you do, if you think about paying attention to the present, you can find pleasure in various moments during the day. Where will you be? What about those people or that place do you enjoy or appreciate? Can you add some things to your day that will increase your enjoyment? Can you give yourself cues to stop and enjoy the moment a few times during the day?

There is no rule saying that you can't spend your holidays wishing for something that either doesn't exist or is out of reach for you at the moment. Just know that if you want to try something different, you can always just stop, take a breath and ask yourself "What's happening right now in this moment?"

Peace of the season to you all.

The Fall Blues?

Do You Love the Fall, or Do You Hate It?

We’ve all noticed it. The days are cooler, the leaves are turning, and its getting dark earlier every evening.
Some people, maybe 10-20% of us, start feeling blue as the days get shorter. If your symptoms are severe and get in the way of enjoying your life, you might want to consider speaking with a healthcare, or mental health professional to see if you have a seasonal depression.
However, if your symptoms are more mild and more of an annoyance than a worry, you might want to try a few of these things to see if they help you feel better.
§ Keep or start exercising. Walk outside in the sun if you can. Practices like yoga and Tai Chi can be helpful, too.
§ Put as much light in your life as you can. Open your blinds and your sunroof if you have one.
§ Sit by the window. Look outside. Pick something about the landscape in this season that you can appreciate.
§ Learn to meditate. Herbert Benson, M.D. wrote a book called The Relaxation Response. You can read it in an evening. It will tell you how to learn a simple meditation technique that is consistent with your personal beliefs and preferences.
§ Watch your alcohol intake. Alcohol and other drugs can cause you to feel momentarily better, but a lot worse in the long run.
§ Try limiting your TV watching. It will eat up your time and leave you with nothing rewarding.
§ Try to get enough sleep. Most people need 8 hours a night.
§ If you find yourself hungry or eating too much, plan to have good quality, satisfying snacks available that won’t set you up to gain too much weight. Some good choices are things like fruit, nuts, raw vegetables, whole grains, beans, soups, and oatmeal. Try to keep the fat and sugar down, though.
§ Learn something new. Look through the adult education pamphlet, or check out other opportunities to learn a new skill or refine an old one. Join up with a friend and teach each other something new.
§ Do things that have to be done anyway with other people and enjoy yourself doing them. For example, plan a meal preparation party. Family members and or friends can get together and fix some meals to freeze, or one to share.
§ Whatever you like to do, find ways to enjoy the season. People who like the outdoors can walk or hike. People who prefer indoor activities can do things like reading, playing games, telling stories, baking, doing needlework or woodworking.

As our evenings lengthen, there can be more opportunity to spend time with family and friends. Take advantage of it. Chances are you’ll feel better.

Why "Behavioral"

Last week the agency announced its name change from Kennebec Valley Mental Health Center to Kennebec Behavioral Health. Since that time we have gotten some feedback on the change, most of it positive, but also some expressions of concern that we may have abandoned our commitment to people living with mental illness or that we are implying that people are somehow to blame for their illness and just need to "fix their behavior." These concerns are understandable, but neither is an accurate reflection of our reasons in making the change. Changing the name of an organization with a forty-seven year history is a complex and involved process. It also offers an opportunity to speak with the community in a very basic way about who we are, who we can help, and what we are able to do.

For at least the past fifteen years, we have heard that the word "mental" in our name was a barrier to many people seeking help for problems in living. In the five decades since our inception the word has unfortunately gained pejorative meaning. For many people the word increasingly carries an impression of hopelessness and "other-ness." That is not what we want to reflect back to our community, either about ourselves or the people we serve. People do not have to label themselves in order to seek out and benefit from help. We believe that changing our name will improve access.

We understand that many people have brain-based or mental illnesses. We know that it is not possible to just "get over it" and behave better. We also know that people do not have to define themselves by their illness alone and that, as for all of us, much of life is what we make of it. 'Behavioral' seems to reflect that opportunity better than 'Mental.'

There is, for example, the opportunity for a person to become an active partner in managing their chronic illness. People can increase their insight and knowledge about their illness and how it affects their lives. They can learn skills for keeping their symptoms more under control and lowering their overall distress about their condition. They can learn to increase their effectiveness as well as their sense of meaning and purpose in their relationships, hobbies, and work. All of these are behaviors and they are things with which we can help.

Finally, this agency has also made a commitment to helping people with substance abuse and dependence issues. The word 'Mental' does not reflect their needs at all and can be a significant barrier to service.

No name is a perfect reflection of any person or agency, but if we are able to improve community access, highlight the power of people to take control in their lives, and reflect a more comprehensive and inclusive mission, many of our goals will be met.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness and interest of people who have questioned our choice. These are fair questions. I hope these comments add some clarity to the discussion.

Collaboration with Community Professionals

Staff at Kennebec Behavioral Health are always interested in developing close working collaborations with other professionals who care for their clients and patients.

KBH understands its responsibility to the community. We know that we offer a number of services that are either difficult or impossible to access anywhere else in the area. We feel a responsibility to keep those services available to clients who are seen in other agencies or practices. Along with that, we also understand that the best services are always well coordinated.

Many of you are in regular contact with KBH staff who see your clients. If you haven't been and share a client, I am inviting you to either contact your client's treatment staff directly, or call me and we will be happy to work with you. Our release of information form is available on our website so that it can be downloaded and signed before you call.

If you have an issue with a client that you need to problem solve, I am happy to speak with you about the situation without your identifying the client. I know a lot about resources in the area and might be able to help. I am at least willing to try or to suggest someone else with a particular expertise. My phone number is 626-3455 and if I'm not there when you call, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Meet Dr. Karen Mosher

Karen Mosher, Ph.D., Kennebec Behavioral Health's Clinical Director

What is a Clinical Director? Kennebec Behavioral Health is a large behavioral health agency that provides different services for people who have various, and sometimes complicated needs. It is the job of the Clinical Director to support and maintain overall quality of care. That involves making sure that clinical staff and supervisors have the support, supervision, materials, and training that they need, are looking at treatment outcomes, staying current with new ideas and research about assessment and treatment, reviewing problems if they occur, answering questions about clinical issues and services, and making sure that different services are working together as well as possible.

What are your qualifications?

I earned a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Purdue University in 1979 and have been licensed as a psychologist in Maine since 1980. I have worked at Kennebec Behavioral Health since 1979. During this time I have done a lot of different things at the agency. This includes doing individual therapy, assessment and consultation, training new psychologists, and managing or supervising many of the the programs offered by the agency. This has given me the opportunity to learn about providing mental health services that are helpful to people with all sorts of different issues.