Think About Taking A Walk

Usually when mental health people recommend “walking,” they are encouraging it as a way to feel less depressed, cut down on stress, or get into better shape.  There is no doubt that walking helps accomplish all of these things. 

We speak less often though of other, deeply important benefits to going for a walk, or otherwise spending time outside, particularly in a place you love and that resonates with your heart and  soul. 

Just taking a few minutes to look up some of the different  things writers have ascribed to the outdoors and to nature, here are just a few examples of words they use:

Do you have a place that grounds you?  Is there somewhere you can go where you know you can reconnect with yourself, that brings you back to the basics of your life, what is important, and what is not?  Is there a word or words in this list that resonate with your experience of this place? 

It is common for people to think of places where they loved to spend time as children.  A lot of us go somewhere outdoors in our thinking when asked this question.  There is a path or a garden, a woods road or a lake, a spring overhung by lilacs or a field of Christmas trees.

Living more and more within the protection and order of towns, and the walls that make them up, it takes effort to find a place to wander.  At the same time the wildness we find in un-manicured, unspoiled places is an opportunity to explore what is around us, let go of day to day concerns and leave feeling renewed, refreshed, and reconnected.  We begin to sense the flow and pace of weather variation and the  harmony of the seasons.  Our sense of what we can and can’t control is altered as is our understanding of our place in the larger world. 

There are pleasures in solitary walks, and in walks with other people.  There is nothing to compare, though, with the immeasurable two-way gift of sharing the stories, history, magic, or grounding you find in a place with a beloved child.  These are gifts that carry across miles and generations and will sustain both of you throughout your lives. 

Behavioral Health At The Confluence

Kennebec Behavioral Health's recently sponsored conference, Behavioral Health at the Confluence: Inspired Hearts, Solid Science, and Organizational Excellence accomplished a number of functions. It was conceived as a celebration of the agency's 50th anniversary as well as a provocative challenge to the future of community mental health.

Behavioral Health in Maine and across the nation is faced with increasing demands to provide transparency, demonstrable effectiveness, and services that are predictably life enhancing. Meeting that demand will involve the evolution of a dynamic alignment between practitioners, the best, most effective clinical practices, and value based organizational and operational expertise. Each one of these three foundations is necessary, but none sufficient without the other two.

In order to be successful, these three competing rivers of thought have to be reconciled in a way that is mutually supportive rather than competing. It is a paradox, an impossible puzzle that must be transformed to an attainable possibility.

It is not easy to convey the methodology necessary to solve a paradox. The language of analogy is one tool. The ability to tolerate the internal conflict that comes from holding the value and importance of all three irreconcilable positions is another.

The way of the world is to try to force a choice between competing values with messages like:
"Relationship is enough."
"Science has the answers."
"Its about the cash."
"You have to give up your humanity to apply scientific principles."
"Your science is too expensive, you will have to make due with something cheaper."
"You need to make productivity, then we'll talk about the quality of your work."
"You can pursue one river, or maybe two, but you have to give up on the third."

A better answer is one of unyielding creative resistance to compromise on any of these three values with affirmations like:
"I will work diligently to nourish my own heart and to nourish others."
"I will work diligently to find and apply the best science possible."
"I will work diligently to support my organization and its infrastructure."
"I will not relent on remaining mindful of and promoting any one of these values."
"I will face every effort to force a choice with creative problem-solving. I will keep all three values in front of me, each equally honored."
"I will look to support my colleagues and to be supported by them. "
"I will believe the best of others and trust they will believe the best of me."
"I will strive not let them fail, and they will hold me when I falter. "
"Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass."

The intended take-aways from the conference are:

• A working understanding of three rivers of thought flowing inexorably toward confluence, into the future, beyond our current state of knowledge, beyond our current technologies, beyond any of us as individuals
  
• Our commitment to move toward that end with clarity, focus and courage.
  

Role Models - Oh Yes! Oh No!

Role models are a part of life. When we lack experience or skill or hope, and can’t see a way to get from where we are to where we’d like to be, we naturally look to other people to see if someone else has done something comparable before us. Similarly, if we see someone doing something, or being someone that we admire, we look to understand what brought them to that ability and what sustains them in it. This manner of seeking to grow is critical both to individuals and to our civilization. Without it, we would be stuck forever within the confines of our singular experience.

There can be a complication, and even a downside, though to our identification of a “Role Model.” This becomes particularly worrisome when one of our children identifies a role model, looks up to them, strives to be like them, then watches them falter. There are sports stars caught cheating or betraying a trust, beloved older cousins “getting into trouble,” a brilliant and charismatic professor seducing a student, and on and on. There is in fact, no end to the ways in which we can disappoint one another.

Interestingly enough on a different side of the same coin, if we look, there are ways in which people we might not see as extraordinary can surprise us with their talent, patience, vision, commitment, or some other aspect of their being. They might not meet our definition of a “role model” but isn’t that really what they could be in that aspect.

Navigating through life and getting the most out of “role models” without either failing to see them, crashing and burning with them, or dismissing them as completely unworthy requires us to see human behavior as complex, multiply determined and sometimes contradictory.

The reality is that no human being is purely good or bad, and the more we can process our and our children’s contradictory perceptions and begin to articulate what about a person is admirable and what is disappointing the closer we come to learning self acceptance, the appreciation of differences, and compassion for human error, both our own and others. We might even see a strategy we can use to avoid mistakes ourselves.

An Eye To The Light

An Eye To The Light

The list can grow every day. We see economic downturn, job loss, overwhelming responsibility, deployment, money worries, relationship problems and on and on. Times can be difficult for a lot of reasons. They range from global economic and environmental factors, through local challenges in our work and communities, to problems touching the groundwork of our close relationships with friends, neighbors, and family members. In the complexity and diversity of this network, it seems that when things get difficult, they rarely happen in isolation. Problems don’t come one at a time.

Difficult times can present us with terrifying images of change, loss, failure, illness, death, or betrayal – a seemingly endless flow of things that threaten to separate us from the light of the vision of what we want our lives to be. Watching the work of your heart coming apart or having to participate in its undoing can blind us to anything but the frantic need to do whatever it takes to preserve what we have. Paradoxically, that strategy, with its failure of vision can easily become one more tool in the destruction of the things we hold most dear.

So, what are our options? We rehearse through them in our minds and they run the gamut. They include images of unmitigated failure and loss, ruthless protectionism, and anything else we happen to come up with in our fear. It can become very dark. We lose touch with the fact that this is the natural flow of things.

We cannot stop the cycle of creation, maturation, and destruction, but can remind ourselves that re-creation and renewal are also implied. This flow of life is inexorable. We cannot interrupt it, but we empower ourselves when we maintain a focus on living consistent with the values that are important to us rather than violating them in a desperate effort to preserve their current form. When we look to our values as a beacon in the darkness, we find acceptance in our commitment to a purpose and are ready to move forward creatively even in those dark hours before the cycle turns upward again.

Getting To Know Your Children This Summer

Summer is the time that many of us remember why we love living in Maine. The weather is beautiful and there are all kinds of interesting things to do regardless of your interests. Its also the time that children are at home and don't have the time pressures and responsibilities that they carry during the school year.This gives us all a great opportunity to spend time with the children in our lives, to gain understanding of who they are, what they like to do, how they think about things, what their hopes and dreams are, what's fun for them and so forth.

A good, active relationship with a loving, respectful adult is the best protection that a child can carry as they move toward greater independence. Secure and open relationships with a loving adult lower the chances of a child getting involved in smoking, substance abuse, and other high risk behaviors. These relationships can provide a buffer against feelings of depression and hopelessness. They increase children's self-esteem and their sense of competence in the world. It does, however take time, some planning, a bit of negotiation, and a lot of mindfulness to make sure that your relationship is working for the child.

Some suggestions that might be helpful are:

Spend time with your child doing something that he or she enjoys. While you do this, make all of your comments positive. Be curious about what they are doing and show your appreciation. Examples might be, "That's really interesting. Tell me about it," or "that's great, what a lot of work you've put into this," or just "wow, that's wonderful."Your goals in this are first, to have fun with your child, but secondly to help your child see you as someone who appreciates them and is fun to be around.

Do things side by side with your child. The research is pretty clear that children are most likely to talk to you about things that are important to them when you are both facing in the same direction, not directly at one another and when there is something else to focus on rather than simply "having a talk." Things like doing dishes together, preparing a meal, riding in the car, and doing chores together offer opportunities to really get to know your child and for them to get to know you, too. Remember to keep it positive, be curious rather than critical, and show appreciation for who they are and what they are trying to become.

These kinds of informal and positive chats set the stage to be able to have more difficult conversations when they are necessary. Your child knows that you love and respect them. They will understand that what you are trying to talk with them about is not just "more nagging."

There is a myth that its quality not quantity. In reality, both are important and summer provides a great opportunity for strengthening these connections.

The Power of Being Seen

Every now and then, something catches our attention, captivates us, and carries us into to a different emotional understanding or experience. It seems that has happened with Susan Boyle, the 47 year old Scottish woman whose performance on Britain’s Got Talent shocked the judges, the audience, and ultimately the world. She was an unknown and unassuming appearing woman who sang with power and feeling that no one expected.

What is it that made this woman’s performance so touching to so many people? One factor is certainly the power of witnessing a person who appeared to be marginalized finally “being seen” and being valued. There is probably no loneliness in the world like that of being “looked through” ignored or misperceived. Believing or hoping that you have a gift that no one seems to want, or a beauty that no one else can see is profoundly sad. Having your worth and your talent acknowledged after decades of invisibility and derision is literally a dream come true, and one that strikes a chord in almost anyone.

Once it’s understood, there are practical, everyday applications of this insight that you can bring into your relationships with family and friends. Have you ever sung this little song to a toddler?


Where is [toddler’s name]?
Where is [toddler’s name]?
Here he/she is
Here he/she is
I’m so glad to see you!
I’m so glad to see you!
Peek-a-boo
I see you

Little ones love this song. They love that it is about them, and they particularly love the experience of being discovered, seen, and valued.

Older children, teenagers and adults aren’t that much different. You can make someone’s day by taking the time and effort to really look at them, to perceive or understand some unique quality, talent or capability that they possess and then to acknowledge it out loud.

Not many people get discovered and acknowledged on a world-wise basis, but all of us carry the power to give other people in our lives the gift of clearly seeing them. We can touch other people’s hearts and our own every day.

An Agency "Family Story:" The Titcomb House Transformation

If you were intrigued by my last blog on the importance and richness of family stories, you might want to think about trying your hand at digital storytelling. Most computers come with basic movie making software. It is not hard to use, and even first time projects are a lot of fun.

You'll soon see that digital story telling takes the experience to a whole different level. You can add photos, narration, subtitles, music*, and video. I like movies because they speak both from and to the heart. For example, here you see a couple of pages of construction photos out of a photo album. They are a part of the agency's history, but truly not very compelling. For anyone to understand or appreciate what happened 17 years ago, somehow we have to tell the story. There are all sorts of media possibilities, but for this story Digital Story Telling is the choice.

* Remember that you should only use material that is not protected by copyright or for which you have permission. It is fun to make your own music or to look online for affordable or free stock music. You can even ask for permission which is what we did for this movie.

If you click on the movie below, you will see a short, 3 minute story that expresses the generosity, collaboration, sacrifice, and determination that came together to make this transformation possible. It uses the photos from the album above, but tells a much better story.