Have You Thought About Everyday Heroes?

When we think about heroism, we almost always think of some courageous person saving others through dramatic, physically dangerous acts. Heroes are celebrated with parades and medals, speeches and awards. They are someone other than us.
It is very true that these celebrated individuals are heroes and deserving of our recognition, admiration, and respect. It is also true that limiting our definition in this way narrows our ability to see and appreciate other heroic people. Worse yet it can cloud our vision for the fact that heroism can be a part of everyone’s life and that it is our option, even our responsibility to become “hero ready.” By that I mean ready to take a stand, to affirm another person’s value and dignity, or to uphold a value even if it means paying a cost. The world needs everyday heroes to stand in opposition to cruelty and dehumanization, to question the legitimacy of and sometimes to defy mistaken or wrong thinking authority, to work toward life affirming goals, and to think about and take responsibility for the outcome of their actions.
Charles A. Smith, Ph.D. from Kansas State University developed a program designed to celebrate everyday heroes. The program teaches children the characteristics of heroism and helps them recognize the potential for heroism within themselves.
Smith lists five conditions for heroism. They are:
Real heroes realize the risk or sacrifice they are taking.
They value all life without reservation
They manage fear
They make smart decisions
They commit themselves fully to a noble goal.
The program encourages participants to look around, identify, label, and celebrate the everyday heroes in their lives. They are then asked to apply the same standards to themselves identifying their own heroic behavior. What they find out is that heroic behavior often begins by just not running away in fear or pain.
Most people do not intentionally put themselves in situations where they are called upon to be heroic. Nevertheless, it is not uncommon in the course of a lifetime for a person to be faced with a situation that calls for heroism. These opportunities come and go without fanfare or warning and the choices made are both powerful and irrevocable.

Things Change - It's Our Job to Go On

When we stop and think about it, we know that life means constant change. It happens all of the time and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. People we know and love grow old and frail. At some point they come to the end of their lives. Our children grow up and make more and more independent decisions about how they will live their lives. Change happens in our jobs, with our friends, in our communities. It happens everywhere.

There are changes that give us joy. Welcoming new babies, getting settled in a good job, and finding a secure relationship are all things that might leave us feeling happy. When change brings loss, though, we can end up suffering, even arguing with ourselves or others that the situation couldn't or shouldn't be what it is. More often than not, we turn our entire focus to trying to make the pain go away.

Our whole culture admires a person who can "take control." The unfortunate thing is that in many cases, this just doesn't work. Then, to compound our sense of failure and our pain we are left with blaming ourselves or someone else for things not going well. It becomes a spiral of pain and unhappiness that is hard to leave behind.

There are a few simple things you can try that might help.

• Ask yourself if you have this problem, or if it has you. Can you separate it from the rest of your experience?
• Remind yourself that change, including loss, is a normal part of life and is most manageable when it is accepted
• Practice seeing the problem as being only one part of your life
• Think about what other things are important to you, what you want your focus and purpose to be
• Commit to taking at least one step, however small, that will bring you closer to your purpose

There are times in all of our lives where we feel overwhelmed by change and loss. What we always have, though, somewhere inside of us are our hopes and aspirations for our lives. There is no better time to remind ourselves of what we want to be and to make sure we're moving, however slowly, in that direction.

What If Your Holidays Aren't What You Want?

So often people end up feeling that the Holidays are not what they wish they were. We wish for the return of past traditions, for better relationships with family and friends, or that we could somehow spend the holiday differently. It is easy to look at all of the idealized images in stores, books, magazines, and on television and to think our lives should be more like what we see there.

We all know that we can't go back, that we only control our side of relationships, and that we can't be everywhere at once. We also know that the media view of the holidays just isn't real. No one's house really looks like that, and certainly no one's friends and family ever really behave that way. Nevertheless, we can end up feeling let down or disappointed.

One of the best ways that any of us can get out of this rut is to start practicing Mindfulness, which means staying focused on what we are experiencing in the moment rather than what might be or what should be. Anyone can take a few moments out of their day to try some of these things. You don't have to be particularly wise, lucky, happy, or anything else. All you have to do is stop and try.

Here are some examples:

You're trying to get your decorations up and know you don't have time to get it the way you want it. You are starting to feel cranky and you snap at one of the kids. Then you feel bad because, after all, it is the Holidays.

• What about stopping, taking a deep breath, and saying to yourself, "If it's not worth enjoying, it's probably not worth doing. This should be fun." Then ask the children what decorations they like the most and would like to help you with. Answer the question for yourself as well. Then while you're working with your children on everyone's favorites, think about the fun you all are having in the moment and know that in reality, this is what's most important.

You've realized that you are not going to be able to spend the holiday where you would most like to be. You decide you hate the season and wish it were over.

• You can remind yourself that no matter what you do, if you think about paying attention to the present, you can find pleasure in various moments during the day. Where will you be? What about those people or that place do you enjoy or appreciate? Can you add some things to your day that will increase your enjoyment? Can you give yourself cues to stop and enjoy the moment a few times during the day?

There is no rule saying that you can't spend your holidays wishing for something that either doesn't exist or is out of reach for you at the moment. Just know that if you want to try something different, you can always just stop, take a breath and ask yourself "What's happening right now in this moment?"

Peace of the season to you all.

The Fall Blues?

Do You Love the Fall, or Do You Hate It?

We’ve all noticed it. The days are cooler, the leaves are turning, and its getting dark earlier every evening.
Some people, maybe 10-20% of us, start feeling blue as the days get shorter. If your symptoms are severe and get in the way of enjoying your life, you might want to consider speaking with a healthcare, or mental health professional to see if you have a seasonal depression.
However, if your symptoms are more mild and more of an annoyance than a worry, you might want to try a few of these things to see if they help you feel better.
§ Keep or start exercising. Walk outside in the sun if you can. Practices like yoga and Tai Chi can be helpful, too.
§ Put as much light in your life as you can. Open your blinds and your sunroof if you have one.
§ Sit by the window. Look outside. Pick something about the landscape in this season that you can appreciate.
§ Learn to meditate. Herbert Benson, M.D. wrote a book called The Relaxation Response. You can read it in an evening. It will tell you how to learn a simple meditation technique that is consistent with your personal beliefs and preferences.
§ Watch your alcohol intake. Alcohol and other drugs can cause you to feel momentarily better, but a lot worse in the long run.
§ Try limiting your TV watching. It will eat up your time and leave you with nothing rewarding.
§ Try to get enough sleep. Most people need 8 hours a night.
§ If you find yourself hungry or eating too much, plan to have good quality, satisfying snacks available that won’t set you up to gain too much weight. Some good choices are things like fruit, nuts, raw vegetables, whole grains, beans, soups, and oatmeal. Try to keep the fat and sugar down, though.
§ Learn something new. Look through the adult education pamphlet, or check out other opportunities to learn a new skill or refine an old one. Join up with a friend and teach each other something new.
§ Do things that have to be done anyway with other people and enjoy yourself doing them. For example, plan a meal preparation party. Family members and or friends can get together and fix some meals to freeze, or one to share.
§ Whatever you like to do, find ways to enjoy the season. People who like the outdoors can walk or hike. People who prefer indoor activities can do things like reading, playing games, telling stories, baking, doing needlework or woodworking.

As our evenings lengthen, there can be more opportunity to spend time with family and friends. Take advantage of it. Chances are you’ll feel better.

Why "Behavioral"

Last week the agency announced its name change from Kennebec Valley Mental Health Center to Kennebec Behavioral Health. Since that time we have gotten some feedback on the change, most of it positive, but also some expressions of concern that we may have abandoned our commitment to people living with mental illness or that we are implying that people are somehow to blame for their illness and just need to "fix their behavior." These concerns are understandable, but neither is an accurate reflection of our reasons in making the change. Changing the name of an organization with a forty-seven year history is a complex and involved process. It also offers an opportunity to speak with the community in a very basic way about who we are, who we can help, and what we are able to do.

For at least the past fifteen years, we have heard that the word "mental" in our name was a barrier to many people seeking help for problems in living. In the five decades since our inception the word has unfortunately gained pejorative meaning. For many people the word increasingly carries an impression of hopelessness and "other-ness." That is not what we want to reflect back to our community, either about ourselves or the people we serve. People do not have to label themselves in order to seek out and benefit from help. We believe that changing our name will improve access.

We understand that many people have brain-based or mental illnesses. We know that it is not possible to just "get over it" and behave better. We also know that people do not have to define themselves by their illness alone and that, as for all of us, much of life is what we make of it. 'Behavioral' seems to reflect that opportunity better than 'Mental.'

There is, for example, the opportunity for a person to become an active partner in managing their chronic illness. People can increase their insight and knowledge about their illness and how it affects their lives. They can learn skills for keeping their symptoms more under control and lowering their overall distress about their condition. They can learn to increase their effectiveness as well as their sense of meaning and purpose in their relationships, hobbies, and work. All of these are behaviors and they are things with which we can help.

Finally, this agency has also made a commitment to helping people with substance abuse and dependence issues. The word 'Mental' does not reflect their needs at all and can be a significant barrier to service.

No name is a perfect reflection of any person or agency, but if we are able to improve community access, highlight the power of people to take control in their lives, and reflect a more comprehensive and inclusive mission, many of our goals will be met.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness and interest of people who have questioned our choice. These are fair questions. I hope these comments add some clarity to the discussion.

Collaboration with Community Professionals

Staff at Kennebec Behavioral Health are always interested in developing close working collaborations with other professionals who care for their clients and patients.

KBH understands its responsibility to the community. We know that we offer a number of services that are either difficult or impossible to access anywhere else in the area. We feel a responsibility to keep those services available to clients who are seen in other agencies or practices. Along with that, we also understand that the best services are always well coordinated.

Many of you are in regular contact with KBH staff who see your clients. If you haven't been and share a client, I am inviting you to either contact your client's treatment staff directly, or call me and we will be happy to work with you. Our release of information form is available on our website so that it can be downloaded and signed before you call.

If you have an issue with a client that you need to problem solve, I am happy to speak with you about the situation without your identifying the client. I know a lot about resources in the area and might be able to help. I am at least willing to try or to suggest someone else with a particular expertise. My phone number is 626-3455 and if I'm not there when you call, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Meet Dr. Karen Mosher

Karen Mosher, Ph.D., Kennebec Behavioral Health's Clinical Director

What is a Clinical Director? Kennebec Behavioral Health is a large behavioral health agency that provides different services for people who have various, and sometimes complicated needs. It is the job of the Clinical Director to support and maintain overall quality of care. That involves making sure that clinical staff and supervisors have the support, supervision, materials, and training that they need, are looking at treatment outcomes, staying current with new ideas and research about assessment and treatment, reviewing problems if they occur, answering questions about clinical issues and services, and making sure that different services are working together as well as possible.

What are your qualifications?

I earned a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Purdue University in 1979 and have been licensed as a psychologist in Maine since 1980. I have worked at Kennebec Behavioral Health since 1979. During this time I have done a lot of different things at the agency. This includes doing individual therapy, assessment and consultation, training new psychologists, and managing or supervising many of the the programs offered by the agency. This has given me the opportunity to learn about providing mental health services that are helpful to people with all sorts of different issues.