There are changes that give us joy. Welcoming new babies, getting settled in a good job, and finding a secure relationship are all things that might leave us feeling happy. When change brings loss, though, we can end up suffering, even arguing with ourselves or others that the situation couldn't or shouldn't be what it is. More often than not, we turn our entire focus to trying to make the pain go away.
Our whole culture admires a person who can "take control." The unfortunate thing is that in many cases, this just doesn't work. Then, to compound our sense of failure and our pain we are left with blaming ourselves or someone else for things not going well. It becomes a spiral of pain and unhappiness that is hard to leave behind.
There are a few simple things you can try that might help.
- Ask yourself if you have this problem, or if it has you. Can you separate it from the rest of your experience?
- Remind yourself that change, including loss, is a normal part of life and is most manageable when it is accepted
- Practice seeing the problem as being only one part of your life
- Think about what other things are important to you, what you want your focus and purpose to be
- Commit to taking at least one step, however small, that will bring you closer to your purpose
There are times in all of our lives where we feel overwhelmed by change and loss. What we always have, though, somewhere inside of us are our hopes and aspirations for our lives. There is no better time to remind ourselves of what we want to be and to make sure we're moving, however slowly, in that direction.